Phoenix


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In Greek mythology, a phoenix or phenix (Greek: φοῖνιξ phoinix) is a long-lived bird that is cyclically regenerated or reborn. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. The phoenix was subsequently adopted as a symbol in Early Christianity

My long time friend and former high school classmate referred to me as a ‘Phoenix’ today; the bird depicted here and described above. I never thought of myself and such context though one of the items on my bucket list is to learn to fly (a plane) but I think as a whole it’s definition according to Wikipedia is quite befitting the circumstances, my journey andi A pursuit of justice.

My life has been one that by no means has ever been easy. It’s been a life full of heartache, disappointments and letdowns, struggles with illness after illness where at times I had stared death right in the face. One might consider certainly that by now I probably should be ready for a mental institution and I certainly been at times accused of never letting something just go for the sake of peace but then again when all is said and done peace isn’t about letting go it is about acceptance.

Earlier this week I had been informed that an investigation had yielded the name of an offender for which charges would be brought and I indeed familiar with said individual and for which tonight, after a struggle that has had me beyond broken in pieces emotionally, that initially led to suffering a stress induced stroke this past September 26, countless sleepless and emotional nights, and a lot of empty questions that I accept I will never have answers to; A series of multiple and many occurrences over the course of quite a while that spans among several including 4 major financial institutions, at least 3 utility companies and much more, charges are filed and an arrest is imminent in the coming days of the confirmed offender which was triggered off by my Citibank account.

I think for me while some (those who are close to me) have said over the course of the past few days, this is good news, this is for me a time of just numbness; being void of any emotion; wishing clocks could go back in time, never having to ever have journeyed or experience what encompasses all of what I referred to as “my fight to live and live to fight.”, or coming to understand some logical explanation that even investigators have missed.

So for me my heart is heavy, and my world is at a standstill and i can only speak of an emptiness. I am bruised but I am not broken, time as difficult as it is for hours to pass will heal and forgiveness I had already given in unspoken words, along time ago in hopes that with giving of forgiveness I would be given peace and understanding for myself and able answer so many unanswered questions, which I still have not found and by now believe doesn’t exist.

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