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So on this Valentine’s Day today while it may seem like it’s a little thing, today it was a big thing for me to actually go out and do some grocery shopping. Something I haven’t done for several months now. Now anyone that knows me knows that must mean that I must be sick or not feeling well as It may seem quirky but I tremendously enjoy grocery shopping (especially those 36 aisle supermarkets) since I love to cook. So to not see the inside of a supermarket in so long is a typical.
As I typically offer couples and some were getting married, I typically share an excerpt reading one that’s my favorite is written by Wilford Peterson. And one of those power for a statements saying the little things are the big things. And so as I reflect upon those words in the context of marriage it’s the same in the way in which we live our life; we are it doesn’t have to be a marriage were talking about, rather just about anything in our life, any small thing is a big thing and so for me today, I guess it was a big day.
I returned back from Florida after saying goodbye to someone who’s no longer with us and being there to comfort family and love ones and start running how technology or in some instances Facebook make false impressions but certainly Facebook is not foolproof and so that can also be refuted and I suppose back to the term up don’t believe everything you read.
I haven’t been consistent in keeping my blog up-to-date but I think that has been mixture of being busy, spending a bit of time focusing on my hobby, trying to stay focused with work, doctoringand starting to rebuild my life and find me again. I realize that I have some really great friends who I have not necessarily been a good friend to in reaching out to them and saying “I need a friend”; and maybe that’s pride or maybe it’s just me still needing to learn to say I need help and moral support but then there are those that by the mere thought that there is something difficult or rough time I’m having who immediately no me and no I’m not going to reach out but they extended their ear over and over and they make it known that they are there.
My aunt who is my rock and my confidant, who is my mother and parent who has guided me my entire life, and although she’s hurting in different ways but I know not only does she deal with what she has going on but she’s hurting for me and what I have going on but still is my rock and still is there; and then there are some my old friends or people that of been in my life for years without fail immediately are there from Lisa, Doug, TJ and Glenn, munchkin, Mrs. Soriano, The Archbishop, even Bobby; my sister Renée, sister-in-law Karen, Steve to many of my new friends Larry and Brenda, Darlene and Bobby… That I know while for me every day still seems so far from being normal, every day is met with needing to find strength to get through the day and the courage also, in my uncle’s famous words this too shall pass.
I’ve made some tremendous strides though and the perfectionist in me I think looks at things as Rome not being built in a day but it should needing to realize that we live in a world where processing systems that are in place are not necessarily ideal but it’s how they must work and I must find patience in order to let the process work so that justice does prevail. In the weeks that I’ve laid low and not necessarily posted as much, I have moved from being the victim of alleged crimes and transitioned into a status for which I now become a witness for the State of New York. I’m reminded that we live in a great state – New York and in a great country and that there are people out there who listen and that there is a such a thing as the pursuit of justice. I have met and now also have representation as a crime victim with what’s called “crime victim advocates” who’s job it is and who are there to ensure that our government and authorities uphold the laws and our civil rights which we are guaranteed under our constitution and as citizens of this great nation ensuring those laws are upheld and are always protected and that I who has been victimized is no longer held victim through red tape and bureaucracies and excuses. I have a voice, a powerful voice in an advocate who I couldn’t be more grateful to have met and who’s career still astounds me in his long history and impressive career as a former prosecutor and even in his capacity as a criminal defense attorney who is now my voice, and my advocate.
As my dear sister Renée reminded me the other day, right now it’s hard for me to see, but from where she sits there so many people that have opened up and seen and are in my corner and are there protecting me and encouraging me to never give up.
As I can no longer speak about what I know and I’ve come to learn because now as a witness it is my duty to save what I knowand what I’ve learned for time where i’m called upon to convey that knowledge officially and without any refute as a witness for my great state I’m only left right now to reflect upon some of just my experience.
I’ve begun to think about my experience and what it is I can do to help others certainly. There’s one area that people really do need help and that is understanding our legal system and what a job in itself to undertake what it is, it is one that is beyond daunting. It’s no wonder why the saying exist people get away with murder. For me, even with confirmed arrest warrants have been issued for offender(s) who after investigations have been identified, laws that have been broken confirmed, statutes that have been violated, whoever knew that there such things as “warrant squads” Who get these things that are called warrant cards and go out based on workloads and get to it just like a regular job, except their jobs are arresting people that commit crimes “when they get to it….” It almost feels like you took a number on the line at the deli at the supermarket any wait for the guy to call the number when they get through it or like a project at work that you don’t want to do but eventually get it done when you get to it, when in fact apparently these warrant squads can actually turn around and take two to three weeks to get something done, and it’s even done during certain specific schedule windows LOL. I don’t know about you but the kind of seems like a sacrilegious thing there, but I guess this is a systematic approach which is why others need to be our voices.
And I take no joy in the fact that it’s almost humorous how this stuff plays out as I’d give anything to not have life I have currently, or the pain and emotion that I have the burden of carrying every day I try to find some peace in knowing that I have not had any control or not been able to make any decision in fact that I’ve been a victim and victimized and that the outcomes of a tomorrow and whatever they are, are not based on a choice I get to make but rather the choices that those who commit crimes made and continue to make. And the only choice for me is to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me G-d. And within that I hope that g-d gives me strength to accept the things that I cannot change, change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference and to listen the pain in my heart and to fix the broken pieces that chipped away from my heart.