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this weekend I need to find the ability to focus my thoughts and focus on my future which typically never used to be a challenge for me. Come Monday a week begins with several re-defining moments that locks away a past and begins the future. A future that is different from one I envisioned, a future that remains to be one in which I need to create and reinvent myself in the process.
I’m going to look forward to during away with living among mounds of evidence and file cabinets full as I get to hand that off to somebody else to to take that forward with matters that are no longer in my hands. But in the same matters have I suppose never really been in my hands to control.
I am numb but I know that my underlying feelings are sad and that I still grieve for a loss of something that I don’t think I ever really had. The facts remain what they are and I will always wish I could have known something of else. the unfortunate is my reality in my life and my world was nothing but a fiction and a scam, one I guess where the positive is that I eventually caught onto in a moment where it may have appeared to be too late but reality is, was not.
I’ve managed to undue harm that has been caused I’ve had major financial institutions return to me thousands, others erase marks upon my credit or responsibilities of the same and going forward Uncle Sam will seek out and return what has wrongfully been taken to try to make me whole again.
But as things unravel in the week to come I know that I will never be whole again not at least in the way I was before this all began. I hold but what is a vision of a what I suppose is a happy ever after ending that is apart of what many dream and hold out hope for on their journey of what we call life.