Dayan Ha’emet דיין האמת

Faith is often the foundation and source of our inner strength; something that i believe that is inate in all of us and is the focal point most often where one often goes when searching to find a sense of self.

There are times when our searching feels like a never ending struggle and journey thats endless and bound for nowhere; and then there those are the times when one begins then to challenge and question ones faith unsure of where we’really journeying.

G-d knows that I for one have struggled and questionew much the past few years; but I’ve erred in my questioning, not of faith but in thy self.

There is the old addage often spoken to offer words of encouragement in times when we are doubtful in ourseleves and our abilities to carry the burden on our shoulders and persevere. the say that g-d only gives us as much as we can bare the burden of to carry and not or less than we are able.  And so it is an unspoken understanding that some of us carry heavier burdens than others only for our ability to endure.

My life hasn’t been the easiest or lightest of what I’ve endured and I suppose some of the toughest to endure comes from those situations and are the tought and hardest because they involve circumstances where it’s when we love the most.

I’ve always lived life by the montra of “one forgives but doesn’t forget” but I think (as should we in life, always continuing to grow and learn) my growing pain is teaching me that one should always forgive, but when one loves, one is also capable of forgetting.

But unfortunately our learning and growing is a self-fulfilling journey that each of us must embark on and make that commit to of our own accord.  Sometimes no matter how much we wish or want to paint a picture hoping our experience on our journey take’s a certain shape, we can’t force someone into submitting to the idealistic picture or to journey the path in the same way we would.

From the journeys I’ve traveled I’ve formulated a little story I often refer to when officiating a funeral, I speak of the fact that when a baby is born and comes into this world, their fists are clenched as a baby does not want to leave it’s mothers womb and more so is not happy, crying and clenching those fists.  As we go through life we often associate the clenching of a fist with a self fulfilling, self indulgent need or want. It is often always associated with our wants, our needs, more than not a materialistic fulfillment that’s a want we grab for and not necessarily need.  When it is our time to journey away from this world and areally laid to rest, have you ever noticed a person’s hands. …

We all depart the world very much the same, unable to clench or grab for anything to take with us and so when it comes to those materialistic things in this world our journey should often remind us to stop and assess and think about that clenching fist.

Earlier this week I felt a new sense and pain of loss, I think a realization and an internal sense of a finality I have officially yet to know but that I could feel sever with great pain and sadness. But I take myself back to my story of the clenching fist and how perhaps not everyone may have gotten to a place where theyou know ones can’t grab hold and take it all with you and so where and what should matter most you can’t touch, you can’t feel, you can’t count but you can take with you and keep inside of you.

And so from here the journey I travel next that is unclear but for now I know there is a clearing and the truth will now take here

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