Reflections


In a world filled of imperfectionsI’ve always been an individual that puts 110% of me into whatever it is I put my mind to.  In the same breath I acknowledge my imperfections and flaws doing my best to live up to and owning when I am wrong and admitting when I make mistakes. 

I live much of my life with my heart on my sleeve which at times makes me vulnerable to human frailties.

The past several weeks more of the final missing pieces to the puzzle have started to come together and with investigations in the background, ive done a whole lot of soul searching trying to find peace and understanding.

A lot of shocking discoveries that go beyond betrayal and hurt but which will scar me the rest of my life but for which has also taught me the sad realization that not everything is always what it seems and as much as I try to find goodness in everyone, there are some that posses pure evil of intentions and are able to diguise it all too well.

I’ve always been one to continually go at  something to a fault, over and over analyzing things until I can make sense of it and find the rationale. And in instances where I come to realization that I may be wrong,  I try to be big enough to stand up and to that, admitting when I’m wrong, but more so, knowing it’s important for me in saying, I’m sorry.

This past Saturday was the anniversary of a day that in my heart, still means a great deal, and  one that carries for me a great sense of loss. Several weeks I now I’ve plagued, continuing to reply the last words I recall ever hearing you say on that November day and I recall  the expression on your face that Halloween eve when I put forth that perhaps my reality was not of your own choice or doing, but was that of the bidding of someone else.

As the pieces of the puzzle keep coming together,  I can’t help but keep coming back to these two memories and that same question of perhaps this reality  is the bidding of someone else. And while I admittingly am a stubborn person, able and ready to stand my ground for what it is I believe in, and never wavering, I sometimes forget that others may not hold the same strength and reverence to challenge and face confrontation.

 And so if I’ve been wrong, in thinking the reality I am living and fighting is really not the doing of one but the truth being that it is really the bidding of someone else, then for that, to you I personally say, i am sorry.

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