Over the past month I have faced what has been the A series of unscrupulous events which have made me wiser than yesterday and wiser than before.
As I have had referenced in earlier blog entries, my mobile phones and computers hacked, monitored and compromised. Now on an almost daily basis, my apartment broken into with suggestive messages left for me insighting threats of created fabrications with the intent to blackmail me, positioning me as a criminal; i have had confirmations of a potential plot being planned to have me murdered and on top of that i was locked away under a false name aparently in a psych ward for two days earlier this week where my family was unable to locate me and left searching local area hospitals.
What tops the cake is that to a certain extent, ive learned a great deal more of what i deem to be unspeakable, unexcusable and unacceptable… that is that what has been “my reality” and had be transpiring is that of the work of not one but many individuals, some from within a very close circle of people close to me.
Yet for nearly two years now, ive (having not known) been led to believe and place blame soley toward one person. And the silence of that person, i mistook as encouraged by others to be a sign of guilt.
What i have learned is not that this person is without some blame, but rather Such silence was meant in some aspect to protect me from even greater hurt which would have resulted if i had known the entire truth and full story. And so in trying to protect me, that person would up in a no win situation and for which knowing what i know now and have learned, leaves me only to ask for forgiveness in not seeing or believing there was more than meets the eye.
And although this individual initially may have been a participant, in my heart I no what exists today is not something this individual would ever be a willing participant in, yet many have stood and allowed this person to be a scape goat and carry the blame, very much like i have been positioned to be a scape goat for disingenerous acts driven by greed, by disdaine and acts of condemnation just for being gay and choosing to marry a person to me was my best friend.
I am ashamed of myself for not listening to my heart more than listening to others, but i am even more ashamed to call such individuals, “a friend”, or “family” or anyone for that matter that I even associate with who would engage in such shameful acts of greed and to take things to such an extent that would allow two people to become victims, to break up a home, a marriage, a friendship and continue thereafter to take things to a level that require precautionary measures to be put in place for ones protection and surveillance to ensure a person’s safety.
And so to my husband i owe a huge apology for not seeing or knowing the bigger picture of who and what was going on nor knowing you were backed into a corner while others benefitted allowing us both to become victims.