Thankful thanksgiving thanks to me

I’ve spent the better part of the past two days being a hermit and starting to think and internalize and reflect on the past two years of my life. Throughout my life I like to think that I’ve always tried to be a caring, considerate and thoughtful person many a times doing and thinking about others before myself and yet I continually find myself on the shorter end of the stick.

I received a Voice mail from someone wishing me a happy thanksgiving The other day and basically was told that I should only call them back if I’m can keep silent and not talk about any of the “my problems” referring to this nearly two year charade and abuse that I’ve been subjected to by my darling husband and a corrupt set of government officials just to protect him and his mother from being answerable for the financial criminal acts and games that they are all too accustomed to leading as a lifestyle hiding behind a “smokescreen” of “good good card carrying Christians.

Now I get that for the average person they can’t grasp to the extent and the many unlawful acts that have been committed  against and  to victimize me over these two years by these corrupt goons just to protect my husband and his hate filled anti-Semitic homophobic mother as these acts are nothing short of unbelievable;  intentionally and strategically committe to make me look and sound like a raving lunatic but yet I love spent nearly 2 years in a cocoon by myself; the irony I can only name three people in my life  even who has tried to take the time to sit  to understand what’s going on or even acknowledge what a crushing existence and the world is and has been for me these past two years. 

I have been stripped of all self-sufficiency, I have had nearly $250k stolen by my husband and his mother all while fighting through operation after operation, I have lost any and all right to privacy, I have needed to persevere through illness, I have been stripped of and had violated my civil and constitutional rights, I have been spied on, been set up and in constant crisis management of unlawful acts of identity fraud that been committed by these people in my name as an attempted to divert attention away from what criminal acts these people are really committing, and I have still managed to persevere to stand by myself, my army of one,  in court rooms still on my own 2 feet trying to stand up for myself and not let these people continue to get away with the dishonest abuse and victimization that I’ve been subjected to.

All of this while obviously I am and beyond crushed with a broken heart that not only the person that I had loved and thought to be my best friend could do and allow to be done and what has been done but he hasn’t said one word to me in over two years not even an I’m sorry not even an acknowledgement of my existence

Yet on the daily basis, I still fight and hold out hope for justice because I have no other choice as these people are on their own agenda committing such acts and I certainly do not allow myself to be abused in such manner yet not one person in my life except for two specific individuals in the course of two years has continued to encourage me but also outwardly express care or concern of just emotionally how I’m existing or that they understand how difficult it even must be for me to open my eyes in the morning because inside I’m crying and broken to pieces forced to still doing what is the only thing I can do and that’s continue to fight for my rights and seek out assistance as I have continually done. 

So I’ve been told by others that ” this has changed me” yes, it certainly has but challenge that change as a change in me not as a bad thing rather a change in me waking up and growing a set of balls and loving myself and reflecting  on people in my life who at Life’s junctures be it friend, family or significant others,  even strangers  I’ve dropped and ran for them and would run to move heaven and earth.  Yet for 2 years now I stand in court rooms alone, , I’ve been the one person army chastised and criticized by members of my own immediate family because they have not bothered to take time to understand or listen to what has been going on; instead they criticize, yell, scream, change locks and quickly turn a victim into a perceived nut.   

So I would say the change in me is something probably long overdue and me needing to watch out for myself, in me making myself a priority because no one else has and no one else will when the going gets tough I’m the only one that will. 

 I suppose this year’s thanksgiving appropriately I’ve taken to and learned to be thankful to myself for always being able to persevere and count on me, myself and I to pull me through the days and obstacles that make life challenging and impossible but none the less I persevere, I pull through and goddamnit at the end of the day never compromising honesty or my integrity.

When asked the other day if I’ve lost my faith at all through this;  yes I’ve lost faith not in my religious faith, but faith in humanity, Faith in the fact that humanity is selfish, and insincere, and that humanity still has a lot to way to go in truly be genuine and sincere and thoughtful of and for our fellow man.

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